Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
birth control should be required to get into college
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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