why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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