I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found puke in my bra..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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