Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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