he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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