Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
