I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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