So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
