someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
