I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
