I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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