I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
