I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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