If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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