how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
