I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
