she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
