I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
