I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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