haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize