So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
