I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
