Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
