she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize