and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
