i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
