I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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