my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
