cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think my vagina is haunted
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
why is half of my head shaved?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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