So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
