so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
