Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
