I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
