Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
