I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I touched a dick in church today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
