When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
