then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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