Porn is love you can see.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
