So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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