How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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