So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
