ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
