I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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