all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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