It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's get the cat blown out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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