I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
