The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
