i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
