do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
