Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
