Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
did you just send me my own nude
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
