I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
