Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
