Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Houston, we have a squirter
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
