The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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