Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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