Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
